Co-parenting Introduction (part ll)

When a person attends a psychoeducation class, or engages in therapy, there is opportunity to become more self-aware and develop plans, goals, and strategies for oneself. The plans, goals, and strategies that emerge from increased self-awareness are the most impactful and helpful. A person is more likely to apply their own ideas and doing so helps maintain personal responsibility and empowerment. As you read the material at this site you will undoubtedly be struck with ideas, plans, strategies, and solutions on your own. Consider them, study them out, and do your best.

Sometimes, however, other people have ideas and solutions that can be helpful. After all, that is why we ask for help. I am active in my effort to help people. I function from the experience that as I listen to a person share, I gain perspective and understanding that results in ideas, advice, and suggestions. I share those ideas and suggestions. You will read those nuggets of advice, suggestions, and ideas throughout this site. First, a few principles to consider as you sort out suggestions and advice from this site:

1 - Some of the advice will fit nicely within your value and belief system. Consider those items. Study them out, ponder them, and focus energy and effort toward those ideas.

2 - Some of the advice will not fit within your value and belief system. Do not spend too much time arguing metaphorically with me or yourself. But it is healthy to look at yourself briefly to increase your awareness about your reaction to a piece of advice. Are you struggling with the advice because it truly and honestly does not fit within your value and belief system? Or, does the advice trigger a denial pattern, stubborn/pride streak, and/or challenge an irrational justification you have used to maintain a less healthy status quo? Regardless of the reason(s) do not spend, excuse me, waste too much time with these particular items of advice. Let them go and focus your energy and effort on the pieces of advice that resonate with you and fit! Doing so will be more productive and increase the chances that you act in ways that help things be happier and healthier for your children, and yourself, which are healthy goals.

3 - Although I actively share suggestions and advice it is crucial that all of us do not conveniently forget about personal responsibility/accountability and control.

For instance, if someone asks me for help, I share a solution that they use, and it works; who do they blame? Who is that person going to return to, almost immediately, the next time he/she has a problem? The answer is… Me. This is reasonable due to our human nature; however, I caution you and discourage you from doing so. Because you are the one that executed the idea. You are the one that applied the advice. If you blame me for the success, you are robbing your children and yourself by not looking at the specifics of YOUR success. Denying responsibility may contribute to an irrational dependency and that worries me. There is nothing wrong, in fact it is healthy, to give yourself credit and praise. In a humble and private manner of course!

Now, if someone asks me for help, I share a solution that they use, and it does not work; who do they blame? The answer is… Me. Although not strange, it is very unfortunate. I caution you and discourage you from doing so, because you are the person that did not do the advice right, (Ha Ha). As soon as you blame me, you stop looking at YOU in the process. You miss the specifics of your efforts and rob your children and yourself from improvement. There is value in learning from what does not work or learning from mistakes, which will be addressed more specifically later in the publication.

Thanks for reading and considering. More to come…